The Beat Big Tom Tom's desire
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© Copyright Arthur Levine
Words: 603
Keywords: Desire, God, New Beginning, faith, holidays
I could feel excitement in me. Pulse stronger and stronger. I wanted more than I had wanted anything before. I wanted to. I craved. All I had to do was reach out and grasp when nobody was watching.
I was ten, and was the most beautiful, powerful yellow water pistol I had seen in my life. I tried to tell myself that the owner Toy Store is never lost, but I knew better. I tried to tell myself that he would be back some day and pay for it. The price tag said it was only $ 3.98. Maybe I could save that much of my allowance, but I knew it would.
I just take it anyway. I introduced it to my backpack. I gave my desire. I could feel the drumbeat in his head saying, Tom, Tom, you're a bad boy. Tom, Tom, you're a bad boy.
I ran almost all the way home. Fear and guilt was really getting to me. Later that night I lay in bed wondering what to do. Drumbeat that kept going on and in my head. I think I still feel now, that Tom, Tom rhythm of desire and guilt all mixed together.
When I woke up in the morning, I ran into the backyard and buried my beautiful water pistol in a small hole dug and then covered it with earth so that no one would discover that I was a sinner. I never got to enjoy that water gun, and I never got over feeling guilty for taking it. There are some drums that do not clear conscience.
I'm fully grown now some people say. And when the dreaded Tom, Tom grabs rhythm of desire over me, for one reason or another, I remember my toy water pistol. I remember how I felt guilty. I've learned to control my emotions more often, but not eliminate them. There is much more I want to learn and do, but it must be the right way.
If only I knew what was right. If only the drums feared would disappear. For now I think I have things under control, but nobody knows when the drums of desire will strike again. Nobody knows how he or she will react. Is there ever really any control, or is God the only one who is really in control.
As we enter this season of new beginnings, we can honestly say that you can control your emotions, passions and desires? You may be marching to a drumbeat different than me, but there are still things you want and desire, right? How do you know when it is well to reach and grab them?
I think the best way deciding what is right what is wrong is to ask, "What God wants me to do?"
If you have enough faith I'm sure he'll come with the correct answer. Enjoy the holidays. The best is yet to come. It will give all of us sinners the possibility of a new beginning.
*****
About the Author
Hi. I am Arthur Levine, the author of the novel Johnny Oops. To read more of my articles and excerpts from my novel please access: http://johnnyoops.blogspot.com
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